Mom Talk

I hesitate to post this blog because I know the backlash it may bring about my use of spanking as a disciplinary tool.  I will say up front that I believe spanking is an important part of loving discipline but only when administered consistently and lovingly (i.e. not in anger).  That puts me opposite those who feel it is a “last resort”.  Before continuing into my “adventures in parenting” story, I’d also like to say that while I believe in and use spanking as a disciplinary tool for my child, I in no way criticize those who don’t and realize that parenting in itself is very individual and subjective.  That is my disclaimer in hopes of limiting angry comments.  On to adventures in parenting.

Saturday evening, my daughter and I were at my sister’s house visiting.  My sister and I were sitting at the dining room table addressing baby shower invitations for a friend.  My almost 4-year-old daughter kept coming up and asking me when she could have dessert.  After several (we’re talking 15 at least) times of answering this question, I became a bit frustrated.  I asked her to stop coming to ask me that question and I would call her when it was ready.  She persisted.  I finally said something like, “If you ask me one more time, you don’t get dessert tonight.”  I regretted the words the second they left my mouth as I knew I did not want to withhold her special treat.  I knew she would ask again and I would have to follow through.

Sure enough, about 20 minutes later, she asked again.  I calmly told her that because she had asked again after I told her not to, there would be no dessert.  She began to weep profusely (it really was quite pitiful), railing at me in disbelief and moaning things like “I’m not your daughter anymore,” in dramatic fashion.  I felt terrible but as I feel consistency and not giving in to tantrums is important, I couldn’t let her have her way now. 

After about 15 minutes of her crying mournfully, I decided to give her a choice.  I told her that because she had disobeyed me, there had to be a consequence but if she would rather take a swat than lose her dessert, I would do that.  She immediately stopped crying and agreed to this.  I was shocked!  On the way to the bedroom, she said, “Just don’t spank me hard, okay?”  I told her it would be a swat like any other and her shoulders drooped a bit.  Then she said, “But I get dessert after, right?”  I agreed that this was the arrangement.  She bent over and received her swat, cried for about 10 seconds, then said she was sorry for disobeying and we had our usual hugs and kisses.  She quickly wiped her tears and said, “Can I have my dessert now?”  Don’t worry, folks, she got a brownie.

What did I learn from this?  To be more careful in the consequences I threaten her with because follow through is important.  Also, sometimes chocolate is worth the pain.

Trackback URI | Comments RSS